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Fan Friday – Jarrod

I am without a doubt the biggest Phillies fan to ever draw breath, and I think my lifetime of accomplishments speaks for itself. I have written in Mike Schmidt for president in every presidential election since I was old enough to vote.

The 1980 World Championship means so much to me that I’m able to forgive Tug McGraw not only for playing for the Mets, but for fathering Tim McGraw. In fact, I’d likely forgive him for Pearl Harbor and the Irish Potato Blight. I have dressed as the Phanatic every Halloween since 1989. When a friend pointed out that it was getting a little small on me I called the CIA and had him arrested for being a terrorist. I once started a bar fight with Daryl Strawberry just because. As a teenager I attempted to break into the Vatican and repaint the saints on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in the image of the Phillies championship team. I was discovered and kicked out of the Vatican before I was halfway through.

Phillies on MarsI used to be an astronaut, but I got kicked out of the space program when NASA discovered my plan to plant a Phillies pennant on Mars. Betsy Ross originally intended the U.S. flag to be beige, teal, and salmon, but I built a time machine, traveled back to 1777, and kicked her in the stomach until she saw reason and changed it to Phillies Red, White, and Blue.

I have devoted my life to the Phillies and I have only one regret; not selling my left kidney for World Series Tickets when I had the chance. Please Phillies Nation, help me keep my organs and fulfill my dream by voting me the biggest Phillies fan.

9 Comments

9 Comments

  1. Chutley

    January 30, 2009 at 11:26 am

    if it were true you woulda had my vote fo sho

  2. Monktavian

    January 30, 2009 at 11:54 am

    Whew !!!! And I thought I was a devoted fan. I wonder if you would like to take the place of Kite Man and fly into Opening Day. Embrace the passion !!!!

  3. Rob Cowie

    January 30, 2009 at 12:02 pm

    This was one of my finals picks. I’ll take credit for this one. Can’t ignore the mad paintbrush edit skills.

  4. David W

    January 30, 2009 at 12:44 pm

    proof that the phillies have no balls…..lmao

  5. Mark

    January 30, 2009 at 12:45 pm

    How did he not win? That was hilarious.

    Side note: it’s ashame that his name has been tarnished by fake Jarrod, “the Subway man”.

  6. Malcolm

    January 30, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    You’re crazy, brother.

  7. Jason B.

    January 30, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    That was awesome. You are the friggin man!

  8. shag beta sigma delta

    January 30, 2009 at 10:18 pm

    OK I just want to say I do not think I should be voted biggest phillies fan. I have only been a fan since i was five and got to go to vet stadium 10 to 12 times a year in the early seventies, but I have only seen them lose live once. And the one year they lost like 110 games. Maybe I should have went to more games but my dad wouldnt let me drive the car. The one game they lost was the strike year playoff game against the expos. I never went to mars or tarnished a great piece of art work. But I know live in Vermont and have season tickets, which except in extreme cases, I never sell, this year I may have to sell a sunday ticket in May for my wife graduation. But that is a 7 hour drive on the day before and 7 hours after to get back home. so I think I am at least dedicated fan. Thanks for listening

  9. SJ Will

    January 31, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    hahaha that was so funny

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